her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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