He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
