Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
