it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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