I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
