hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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