I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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