Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
