Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
