God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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