How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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