i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Alive.
So much puke
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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