My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
