How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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