I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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