So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
