I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
