Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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