I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
