so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
