so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
