farters have to be the big spoon...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
