You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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