so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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