cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They took my balls.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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