How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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