I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
