saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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