i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
