so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
