problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
