We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
