Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
