I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
