Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
