so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
