Her vagina should come with caution tape.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
