It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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