eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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