Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
