it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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