If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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