i don't plan on having that self control this summer
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities