you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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