Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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