For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
