Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
