I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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