The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
