yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
