i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
