Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
