I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
