If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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