Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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