Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
