how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
