Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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