He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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