i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize