You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
