I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
