At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
