you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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