i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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