Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
