Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
