My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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