The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
