Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Found the puke drawer
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
