it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He felt like a one man threesome
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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