it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
