im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
