I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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