Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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